"I said do it how you do it! Gon' and walk it out!"

My momma know how to do the Walk It Out.

I ain't lyin'.

She like to stay hip with the goings on of society.

Now, I'd have a problem if she knew how to do the Pool Palace. THAT I would have a problemo with!

I was riding down a hood street the other day and passed by a laundromat where a man died on Thanksgiving night. He had tried to run over a police officer after stealing snacks from a gas station on the other side of the street. He was shot in the process and the van he was driving ended up careening across 6 lanes of traffic, only to land in the front of the laundromat.

It's a very sad story, really. Very sad. Makes me sad to think about it. I hope he finds a home in Heaven.

What gets me about the aftermath at the laundromat is that, on this day that I was riding past it, which I believe was two days after the incident, I see that there is a big piece of wood panel attached to the building to cover the hole that the van left behind.

Spray-painted on this piece of wood is the following statement:

"We OPEN! We OPEN!"

Now I ain't gon' lie and say I'ma pro with this here English language but come on now! The proper phrase is:

"We are OPEN! We are OPEN!"

I'ma just need for my people to use proper English when it comes to their place of business. You can't just all willy-nilly write it how you would say it. Ask somebody what to put up there if you ain't sure! Damn!

It's killin' me! It really is.

When I saw it, I wanted to pull my car into the parking lot, park it, hop out and ask for the manager of the laundromat to tell them that they need to get their ish straight.

I want us to rise as a people. I truly do.

But anyway.

I'ma perceptive lil' female. Overly perceptive in some situations. I always act like I don't know what the other person is thinking when I really do.

I'm an analyzer. Overly analytical, if I must say. I always act like I don't know what the hell is going on when I really do.

Sometimes those traits are really beneficial for me. Other times, they ain't.

They are 'cause they help me to manipulate the situation to benefit me - if I have to manipulate it. Sometimes I do if I just don't feel like puttin' up with the bullshAt. Sometimes I don't so I can see just how everything is gonna play out.

They aren't 'cause I might end up walkin' away wiht more info than I ever wanted to know. Info that I will obsess over for the rest of my life - or until I just finally get over it which, in some cases, can take years.

I sometimes wish that I had a short memory. A VERY limited space in which to keep ish hangin' around. So that by the time I had time to think about the issues, I couldn't even remember the shit.

Really.

"I only fuck witchu on 2 occasions: When I'm Drunk and I'm High"

Heeeeyyyyy!!!!! That is my joint right now! Might make it the theme song for this very blog. LOL.

Of COURSE, when I'm trying to listen to Wen.dy Willi.ams and Carm.en Brya.nt on the damn net, the office is NOISY AS HELL!

What tha fcukjalei?@?$#?#$??!?!?!

I'm 'bout to go postal up in here if these damn folks don't quiet they asses down! Damn!

I mean, REALLY!!!

Just now, this chick gon' come over here when they're at the crux of the damn interview to complain about our damn coworker.

I DON'T GIVE A FUH! I'M TRYIN' TO LISTEN TO SOME GOSSIP RIGHT NOW! PLEASE!

Geez Louise!

Folks don't know how much they are disturbin' me right now...

"Torn and confused, wasted and used"

Poor, poor Mikey. Kra.mer never looked so pathetic.

Ya know, u just never really know folk.

And to think, I woke up this morning thinkin' 'bout how all the white folk are gonna be up-in-arms for real at the treatment of black folk after seeing that video for "The Saints Are Coming" by U.2 and Gre.en D.ay .

I forgot how to hyperlink and I don't feel like looking up the instructions right now.

Wait, hold on. I'ma do it 'cause that would just be uber-lazy not to.

'K, 'tis done.

But yeah, it is just truly amazing that we think society has come so far when all this stuff is really just boiling under the surface waiting for the opportunity to rear it's ugly head.

It really is a shame.

Personally, I am trying to stop saying, "White Boy" in terms of any white male whose name I do not know. That's gonna be my contribution to solving this epidemic.

Hey, it's something.

But anyway. It's cold outside. Mia.mi ain't meant to be cold! I'm sick of it already!

Guess that scraps that plan to move to NC one day, eh? Ehhhh.

I did have a thought sometime last week that I should just end my servitude at the plantation, sell all my meager belongings and go live in the hills of Jamaica...

A girl can dream.

"Stay with me, Stay with me, Always, Always"

I believe that's Little Brother ft. Tiombe Lockhart. (F a (.) between words to try to throw off the searches. I don't feel like goin' through that s right now.)

I like that song. And I love music so I'ma title all my posts with a song lyric, just like i do all my other blogs.

But anyway.

Yesterday, I was supposedly one of 4 hosts for my older cousin's baby shower. Which I really wanted to do 'cause i love her like that. But damn. I was supposed to be 1 of 4.

I was really 1 of 1.5 hosts.

I was running around ALL DAY to get stuff and get stuff done for the shower. Not to mention that I didn't go to sleep 'till late the night before from cooking some ish for the shower.

It was the bomb too.

But damn. I was the last person to walk out the door after all was said and done. I was heavily involved in the whole thing without much assistance from the other 3 hosts, 1 of which was my mother but i'll give her a pass 'cause she wasn't fully involved in the planning.

One of my aunts just pisses me off tho 'cause no, she wasn't a host, but her ass never offers assistance with anything. And that ish pisses me THE HELL OFF!!!! Her ass always has to have special recognition even though she doesn't ever do anything. Makes me sick!

Ugh! I feel my blood pressure rising right now just thinking about it. But I had to get the shit off my damn chest. Yes, that's how aggravated it made me.

But whatever.

I just had to draw on the strength of the Lord to finish cleaning up that place. I really had to. I said to myself, "I'm not doing this to receive any accolades or thanks. I'm just doin' it 'cause I love my cuz."

And that worked. So even though I was past the point of being EXHAUSTED, I did what I had to do. Turned off the lights. Rolled out.

But the whole time I was driving my aunt home (which was torturous in itself), I just kept my mouth shut. 'Cause if I opened it, the floodgates woulda crashed open and it woulda been hell on earth for that whole car ride.

But I sho' wanted to say some ish. I really wanted to.

And now I feel better 'cause it's all off my chest.

Lemme go take a nap so I can go fulfill my duties at this place I "work" at during all of my "spare time".

My Bitch Box

I have another blog that I've been writing in for a couple years now but I noticed that it was turning too much into me ranting and raving as opposed to stories of my (for now, non-existent - and I hope I'm not jinxing myself here) sexual escapades.

Being that it's the second day of Virginia (bka A Period - the main causer of what shall be known as The Rage), I'm still feeling kind of bitchy - even though I've been walking around with huge ass smiles all day to counteract The Rage. So this is the perfect day for me to start this f'n blog.

It's difficult for me to curse, even though I was worse than a sailor in middle and halfway through high school, so I tend to say "f'n" and "m-f'n", "ish", "itch!", etc.

ILikeUWhenImHigh.

I stole that from Jamie Foxx. On one of his appearances on 10.6.&.Pa.rk right before the second phase of his music career blew up, he played a snippet of a song that was supposed to be on his upcoming album.

I now realize that I got excited for nothing 'cause it must have been a joke.

Nevertheless, he sang:

I like you better when I'm high
I like you better when I'm messed up

I fell in love with that 'cause it ain't nothin' but the truth in a lot of situations.

So here I am. The official Bitch Box of ILikeUWhenImHigh.

I shall check in randomly and post whatever crazy or random or bothersome or nagging or pissed-me-off or made-me-want-to-kill ish that happens to bother me to the point where I need to get it out SOMEHOW and the only way I can do that is here. So this is where it'll be.

Maybe I'll post some funny ish too.

Something like what just happened while I'm sitting here typing my own personal ish away...

Ag, the 50-something lady in the office just came to my desk with bagels in her bra, saying, "I'm competing with you guys." Yes, that really did just happen.

Why? 'Cause I came to the realization that the head boss is into big boobs so he'll only really speak to women when they have something he wants to see. Which is why he mostly ignores or mistreats the office secretary. 'Cause she's probably a B cup and he ain't tryin' to see that with all these C and D cups around here.

Wow. I already feel at home in this space. :)